Nature vs Nurture

Pressure. Is it any wonder where it gets it from? No, not really. As I try to organize life better so we will see less behaviour from S my mind starts racing thinking of all the things I need to do, ways I need to be, changes I need to not only make but keep. And not just me, B too.

I need to have an organized, clutter free house at all times. We need to have minimal toys and empty spaces to put them when they need to be out of site. A place for everything, everything in its place. We need to make and follow a weekly meal plan for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. School lunches and snacks need to be organized and ready the night before as well as what will be for breakfast the next morning. I need to go to bed at a time that will allow me to get at least 9 hours of sleep a night and set my alarm to get up well before the kids to have everything ready when they do. I need to be prepared to......

In other words, I need to be perfect because if I am not then everything is chaos and S reacts to the chaos with more chaos. And S, like me, senses the need to be perfect and feels completely overwhelmed by the pressure to do the same. He is 6 and of course does not handle that well at all. I handle it better than he does, but only for so long until I explode.

Whoa....there it is. There is the explanation right there for the mysterious 3 weeks on, 3 weeks off mood swings. I handle/juggle/mask/embody a sense of being "on" as in on top of things, organized, taking care of business. Then after approx 3 weeks of this, I start to break down from the weight of being "on". When I start to break down well of course there is a trickle down effect and it comes down hardest on S.

So realizing all this is all well and good but what do I do to stop it? How do I let go of aiming for perfection and just do the best I can? One way will be to stop trying to keep up with the Joneses. I rant and lecture my kids about being themselves and standing up for what is right, being creative, unique, different. But all the while I am forcing them to fit into a mold of what each of us thinks we're "supposed" to be.

If we accept that we need to do less  and take the easy road; to Strattera or not to Strattera...or Intuniv or, or, or....wait to change to English or do it now?;stay at Inman or change to Cascade. I know I know the answer but it doesn't make it any easier to do. Because the more we try to be consistent the more we keep changing things. We have to change what isn't working, of course we do but what if it is at the expense of structure and stability and continuity?

How do I stop and get started? And how do I do that without trying to change who I am fundamentally?

I'm doing it to myself RIGHT NOW. I am feeling overwhelmed with everything that needs to change. What I SHOULD be doing? How do I get everyone involved and not have everything be on me?

STILL.DOING.IT.....

Sigh.......